For the first time in my entire dance life, I wanted to run away from it.
First, my daughter’s dance teacher told me that her behavior was “debatable” in her class, but didn’t even have me come in during the class to talk to her and redirect her. I’m friends with her teacher, which makes it more frustrating, and the fact that she is two, and was put into the class for three year-olds way too fast, only adds to it.
I found out that I had doing rond du jambe incorrectly this whole time, and embarassed myself in front of my entire class by getting called out by my instructor. Along with a combination that just wasn’t sticking, I left class in a way that I had never left before: hurt and pessimistic. Getting a parking ticket didn’t help things, either; I forgot to put my permit back onto my mirror this weekend.
Yesterday was the first time in four years that I wanted to bolt. Last week, I was physically tired from dance; I received some pointers, and was able to move forward. This week, I’m already emotionally tired, and suddenly feeling burnt out on having dance four days a week. Because of dance, I’ve missed important events at work, religious services, time with my wife, time with my daughter, and time away from the gym, where I can do exercises to get me at a better state of health.
I’ve gotten better, but I think I am starting to experience what some of the younger students are going through: too much, too fast. I don’t know why I am in a hurry to learn so much; I’m not trying to get into a summer intensive, I’m not trying to make a career out of it, and I’m not in a local production. I’ve thirsted so much for it that it has sucked other parts of my life dry. I have a recital in a month, and I am very tempted to stay away from the studio for the summer, work out on my own, and rethink things. Abby has said that I can go to Ballet 5 next year, but I am afraid. I am afraid of being inadequate, of getting in over my head, and getting yelled at. I see my morning ballet teacher, highly talented, but definitely raising her voice at adults (and specific adults), and I’m wondering: why would I pay to potentially get yelled at?
What it may come down to is the fact that I’m at a crossroads, and I have to make a decision about whether or not to pursue the path I’ve sought. I sought to get into the pre-pro class for next year, and I did, but I am now feeling really timid about it.
Tumblr folks, I would really appreciate some advice.